My Random Thoughts

Archive for August 8th, 2011

todays funny: OLE AND LENA

leave a comment »

        OLE AND LENA

That old Scandinavian heritage!

Lena called the airlines
information desk and inquired, “How long does it take to fly from Minneapolis to
Fargo ?”
“Just a minute,” said the busy clerk.
“Vell, said Lena, “If it
has to go dat fast, I tink I’ll just take da bus.”

***
The judge
had just awarded a divorce to Lena , who had  charged non-support.  He said to
Ole, “I have decided to give your wife $400 a month for support.”
“Vell,
dat’s fine, Judge,” said Ole. “And vunce in a while I’ll try to chip in a few
bucks, myself.”

***
Lars asked Ole, “Do ya know da difference
between a Norvegian and a canoe?”
“No, I don’t,” said Ole
“A canoe will
sometimes tip,” explained Lars.

***
Ole is so cheap that after
his airplane landed safely he grumbled, “Vell, dere gose five dollars down da
drain for dat flight insurance!”

***
Lars: “Ole, stant in front
of my car and tell me if da turn signals are working.”
Ole: “Yes, No, Yes,
No, Yes, No, Yes, No….”

***
Ole died. So Lena went to the
local paper to put a notice in the obituaries. The gentleman at the counter,
after offering his condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about
Ole.
Lena replied, “You yust put ‘Ole died.”
The gentleman, somewhat
perplexed, said, “That’s it? Just ‘Ole died’? Surely, there must be something
more you’d like to say about Ole. If it’s money you’re concerned about, the
first five words are free. We must say something more.”
So Lena pondered for
a few minutes and finally said, “OK. You put ‘Ole died. Boat for
sale.’”

***
“Hey, Sven,” said Ole, “how many Swedes does it take
to grease a combine?”
After Sven replied, “I don’t know,”
Ole said,
“Only two, if you run them through real slow.”

***
Ole and Lars
were on their very first train ride. They had brought along bananas for lunch.
Just as they  began to peel them, the train entered a long, dark
tunnel.
“Have you eaten your banana yet,” Ole asked excitedly?
“No,”
replied Lars..
“Vell, don’t touch it den,” Ole exclaimed.  “I yust took vun
bite and vent blind!”

***
Ole bought Lena a piano for her
birthday. A few weeks later, Lars inquired how she was doing with it.
“Oh,”
said Ole, “I persuaded her to svitch to a clarinet.”
“How come,” asked
Lars?
“Vell,” Ole answered, “because vith a clarinet she can’t
sing.”

***
Ole and Lena went to the Olympics.
While sitting
on a bench a lady turned to Ole and said, “Are you a pole vaulter?”
Ole
said, “No, I’m Norvegian and my name isn’t Valter.”

***
Ole
was stopped by a game warden in Northern Wisconsin recently leaving a lake well
known for its Walleyes. He had two buckets of fish.
As it was during the
spawning season, the game warden asked, “Do you have a license to catch those
fish?”
Ole replied, “No, sir! Dese here are my pet fish.”
“Pet fish?”
the warden replied.
“Ya sure, you betcha.” answered Ole. “Every night I take
dese fish here down to da lake and let dem svim around for a while. Den I
vhistle and dey yump back into der buckets and I take dem home.”
“That’s a
bunch of hooey. Fish can’t do that.” Said the game warden.
Ole looked at the
game warden with an expression of great hurt, and then said, “Yumpin Yimminy!
Vell den, I’ll just show you den. It really does vork, don’tcha know?”
“O.K.
I’ve got to see this!” The game warden was really curious now.
So Ole poured
the fish into the lake and stood waiting. After everal minutes, the game warden
turned to Ole and said, “Well?”
“Vell what?” responded Ole.
“When are
you going to call them back?”
“Call who back?” asked Ole.
“The
fish!”
“What fish?”

***
To those in North Dakota , Minnesota
, and for that matter the rest of the country, including Canada , I must report
the sad news that Ole was shot. He was up by the Canadian border on his
4-wheeler cutting some trees when some rangers looking for terrorists spotted
him.
According to the news reports, the rangers shouted to him over a
loudspeaker, “Who are you and what are you doing?”
Ole shouted back,
“OLE….. BIN LOGGIN’!”
Ole is survived by his wife Lena and Lena ‘s good
friend Lars.

Written by thomas

August 8, 2011 at 6:00 am

Posted in Uncategorized

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.